Please.” We didn’t live in the same city. But it’s nice that it’s there. But the married people thought that was normal. I don’t even wanna be a stepmom. Do we have gay friends here tonight? You’re cute. They don’t have a story. I never thought I would be this way. “I cannot masturbate to a penis in the woods! As they get a little older, maybe one, you let them cry themselves to sleep. Yes. So she doesn’t say, “Yeah, that’s a lime.” She just starts naming green fruit. Thank you guys so much for coming. It's good to see a woman doing stand up and not going for her body parts and her relationships and "that period of the month" - ha ha. We have to get someone… “Are you… ” You see another couple. “Not my fault you didn’t do the laundry. I’m sorry if a terrorist blows up my flight. No? And you’re happy to ring the bell. You have mustard on your face.” “She loved it. Let me tell you something. – Oh, hey! In her fourth stand-up special, Whitney Cummings returns to her hometown of Washington, D.C., and riffs on modern feminism, relationships, technology and, of course, sex robots. This was a blast. I know. Presents! “You don’t go, ‘We stabbed Johnny in the face last night. It’s just like, “Oh, God, get away from her.” It just… it just runs away. Wash me off and put me back when I’m done. I’ll cut you! You’re like, “Oh, I’m kind of horny.” Should I call an old friend? There’s a penis in the woods. That’s what’s gonna happen. Jen Kirkman's original comedy special delivers some sharp, hilarious truths about life at 40 as filmed at the North Door in Austin, Texas. But I think it’s nice to be with people your own age. I know guys don’t care. I wasn’t thinking about single people when I was married, so I’m here to apologize to the single people on behalf of the married people, because you guys know what you did and it’s time to apologize. Because I went to a frozen yogurt shop, and there was a 20-year-old girl working there. You’ve got to take me out. But I do think that married people kind of suck. I really do. OK, great, thanks.” Then someone from the government comes, and they stick a little pin dart in his butt. Then three days later, a cat will eat my face. “No one’s allowed in here anymore! Stand up. – That was a great set. I’m putting eyeshades on. That’s realistic.” What dress am I wearing? Doing whatever she wants. “If a cop pulls me over, I’m going to get a ticket. My DNA is on it, but I think some other lady’s is, too. If you’re uncomfortable with the word… I’m uncomfortable with the word a bit. And I’m tired. I was like, “I’m going to start jogging, at six every morning.” Be done by seven, have the whole day ahead of me. As long as we’re talking about it, though, here’s a fun thought. He wanted to have sex, and I thought we were in a relationship and we weren’t, and he didn’t want commitment. So I’ll say ding-dong. If she was in the next room, “Mommy, there’s a monster under my bed,” I’d be real with her. Is it like Whac-A-Mole boobs? You put your seat belt on and start the car and… drive to work. All these women writing stuff on his wall that I don’t understand what it means. She loved it, she was fucking me.” “You leave Megan Fox alone!” You know, I start getting angry. “You let your son hang out at a gas station?” I’m like, “He’s not my son. I think older men who date younger woman, you’re deplorable. I have to deliver the laughter during times of war and strife. I was like, “Did my balls drop?” No one tells women that that happens. But he said, “No, we didn’t stop at 7-Eleven on the way home.” I was wondering when you got this wine.” I was like, “Sweetie. Like, somebody walked in and saw the handles and was like, “It’s like a cow or something!” And they kept doing that. I felt something, I thought it was a log. And people were so sad for her. I’m like, ‘Aah! Someone is gassing you ’cause they secretly hate you. I would if someone needed me to. I didn’t used to. You go to the wedding. Wouldn’t that be nice? That’s the single people’s most lonely, most suicidal time of year. I just wish the president could get on TV and be like, “Marriage equality. I'm not a hack. No, that’s not a pretend guillotine, that’s a wine rack. I had nothing to do with it. The guy, British guy. We’re friends with your sister. Do you need something to drink? No, I’m 40. Everyone’s fucking each other out here. But my friend is taking a class called “How to keep your toddler empowered.” I’m like, “I don’t think that group needs empowering.” I’ve seen them. Newly engaged comic Iliza Shlesinger dives into undeniable truths about life at age 35, the insanity of the road traveled and what's to come. But I worry. Like, I will change my life. This is stupid. I went to the woods. He is not high, he is not drunk. How can you put your penis in someone who doesn’t care who Jimi Hendrix is? You had your first kiss, not right away, but I’m saying that you had your first kiss during those years. Smart and brazen comedian Iliza Shlesinger applies her fresh, laugh-out-loud perspective to the universal struggles between men and women. Cougar doesn’t sound cool, like a lion or a tiger, like… Cougar, to me, sounds like an old woman in the woods in a spotted coat. I understand what’s going to happen. Kirkman… You’re facing the right way. I hope they all do great. If we only have five years left, I’m living totally wrong. And I have a very important job. I can’t do that. I don’t have a work visa. He’d seen some things. “Ugh! I’m wrong. I’ll tell you what I saw one time. I have a couples’ dinner, and it’s my business. If it was colonial times, I’d be like a god or something. I do it all. Because a toddler would be in a suit, so concerned with not getting carded that he would be up there… If he didn’t know the question. You know my friend Cindy who never met anyone?” Remember when they let gay people get married and then everyone started marrying pets and shit? You were born… You don’t even know where you are. We saw her post about the show on Facebook. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be on planes, I just wish they didn’t have to fly at night because I can’t sleep. Go with me here. Because you all ran the farm together and you couldn’t stop. I’m not like, “This is the devil’s work!” And, sadly, that’s about as smart as it gets these days. He was 20. “Doesn’t even mean you’re rich.” So now I think he liked me as kind of his teacher. She also brings a very special guest to say hi. And he just leans me against the wall and gets real close and he whispers, “You’re right, I do need therapy.” Every time. This is your own deal. If I started choking, they would help me. He says, “I can’t come and get you, my car broke down.” I’m like, “Oh, my God. – That was crazy. I can’t get at them. He has stepchildren. Some alcoholic was beating his wife. I think that’s what she wanted to wear that day. You go, “I didn’t know humans could get high off catnip.” You never fucking let people marry cats before. “What are those two citrus fruits?” They don’t do that. (2015– ). Now I don’t think it’s cool. I wish I could call and go, “I saw something.” I saw a lady with her kid on a leash.” “Ma’am, that’s not what this number is for.” “OK! So your body is very confused. – But we never see you. I’m proud of myself. It eats away at things. © 2021 Scraps from the Loft. When I say divorce, I mean separation. You’re like, “I give to Kittens Without Whiskers charity every year.” I know. I’ll get to you.” I have to take a Valium and like, “Mommy has to lay down.” I get easily overwhelmed. You’re like, “What the… ? You might die on the altar and your cousin fills in. And then I’m gonna die. Cindy’s so beautiful. I don’t know why that happens, it’s just how God made it. Never got on an airplane. Set the alarm. I’m moving things. Finally. So he should come over to my newly single bachelorette cougar pad. I’m enjoying myself. Yeah. Oh, my God, Amanda. There’s no vows, ’cause Mr. Mittens doesn’t speak English. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I want you to come to our house. You think, “Thank God we’re not on the singles scene. And so I thought it was cool, too. I don’t know if you’re someone that… You weigh yourself once a day, a pound here or there, that’s not what I’m talking about. It’s just me in my bed, yelling. I didn’t know the horniness of a divorced person. It has to spin towards you. I know you’re good people, like, individually. Whereas, if I’m alone in my apartment and I come stumbling out of the elevator going… … my neighbors would be like, “Oh, my God!” and not let me in. He could sense me. It’s effort to sleep with me. – I want juice. I never prepare a story for myself. I now have mild to severe asthma. “My God, I hope no one’s home, I wanna keep doing this.” Ding-dong. Single horniness… It’s quaint that you even would complain about being horny when you’re single. – Hi. “Oh, I hope someone comes by.” It’s sad. He goes, “I think about Megan Fox. '” “That means ‘gave him a bath. So I talked to this kid. Take that off. I’m not a denier. Allistar. I don’t have a cat, but when a single woman dies alone, a cat appears. That was nature. I’ve lost it since then. You must be able to go, “I’m getting a death. – Oh, no. That is someone let a terrorist through and was just like, “How was your date last night?” Someone wasn’t watching someone go through. “Honey. I can’t move it. And I never prepare. I would like to put them right on the cold floor. Like, “Why won’t she stop living?” You know… it’s time to rest. But my head is so… It just doesn’t stop. You don’t want my advice, I’m divorced. I didn’t know it wouldn’t work. That’s the one I want. Maybe Jen can come over afterwards for some juice. For what? I was like, “Body, stop it.” It was like, “Help!” Like, it was just going nuts. We’re following traditions that we don’t need to follow. ‘Cause I could be their mother, too. I know, when you’re in your 40s and you’re some guy, having age-appropriate sex and age-inappropriate sex is sort of like two different kinds of plates. Jen Kirkman: I'm Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine) 2015 | 16+ | 1h 18m | Stand-Up Comedy. No, no, no. It really bothers people. I swear to God, I wasn’t pandering. I went in and she goes, “Do you have any questions about how the frozen yogurt works?” And I was like… “God, no.” And if I do, please shoot me in the face, please. “I don’t know with what. Then they throw catnip at everyone as the party favor. God, there’s something missing. They always tell you, “Date men that love their mothers.” No. So… The little elves that paint the hairs black, they have been given a pension. It’s awful. Jen Kirkman is a comedian, author, television writer, and actor. I empowered him.” I go, “How did you do that?” She goes, “Well, I snuck into his room.” I stood in the corner, in the dark. I might put rose petals in it. You’re like, “Why does she care?” She was masturbating. He goes, “When did you get the wine?” I was like, “I don’t understand what that means.” When did you get the wine? If you go to a cemetery from the 1800s, everyone died at 13. What?” “No, Jen, you’re not understanding. That sounds old, doesn’t it? Mr. Mittens does wear a tuxedo over his fur tuxedo. Snack-nut bowls, spinning cheese thing, trays. All the ladies, you sit down, you sit in that chair with that remote and you watch The Price is Right for 30 more years. “Hello, penis. I’m not going out there. Raised children, wasn’t allowed to get a license, per her husband. You know what I mean? But you bill it as intimacy and all the other things married people say about the awful things that come with making yourself live with a person for no reason other than you want someone to find your corpse someday. You little whore. I’m like, “Oh, wonderful! – Hi, Allistar. I like pizza, I definitely have pizza. That’s just called a man. In a black bra and no underwear on the kitchen floor. Date men who don’t have mothers anymore. “The kids don’t love you as much. I get free drinks anyway. Like, ding-dong, ding-dong. But it doesn’t mean they’re old. Not even farmers are awake right now. Here’s what happened. Like, “What do we do with that? Don’t involve me. It’s a show about me. He’s never seen a tide before. Hate to just keep throwing it in your faces, how great my life is. That is about… That is not a conspiracy inside job. Not painful at all. Suddenly, you’re wearing bath towels. It’s a long story. Skin that my husband doesn’t want to have sex with? How about I give you your money back? I’m not. I do want to say this. It looks like a party no one wants to go to. Well, as I read on the Facebook post, according to my friend, according to the book she read, that is child abuse. She’s so happy. Which is gross. Yeah, let’s do it. I was in his peripheral vision. I do worry about young women who say things like, “I just wanna get married, so I can grow old with someone.” And I go, “You won’t, hon, ’cause men die first.” Like, that’s… you have to think about that, you know? She talks about her unusual relationships, living in the hometown she hates and how she once enraged an entire nation. Thanks.” We were like, “Nana… ” She wanted to live till, you know, 100. You don’t own that dress. Required fields are marked *. I was bragging about turning 40 and looking young because I know that I look a little younger. And she believed that Freddie, who wasn’t a great man as she said, was in purgatory. Don’t look up to me with this story, but learn from it. I can get grease on this and it doesn’t complain.” I can flip it around. “I am so sorry about sexism. – Jen. Which is fine. I really would. I know. Never gonna let you down. This is a business transaction.” You start calling people. But the couples’ dinner thing… I feel like it might be weird if you come alone, “because we don’t want you to be sad.” I go, “I won’t be sad. So I will tell you a story about the first date I went on after my divorce. And he doesn’t say anything, right away. He doesn’t speak. We can’t… She can’t have her face appearing on your show with laughing at those dirty jokes. “Fucking fight for me, Mom!” Right? You don’t even know what I’m gonna say. Her newest thing that she read was, you know how they say if you have a baby and it’s crying, you breast-feed, you comfort the baby. It’s the weirdest thing. You have to think about certain things when you include family. He couldn’t latch. That’s all that happened. They say "You're gonna die alone." What am I, a nurse? – That was really funny. He’s like… He goes, “No, no, I really still want to hang out.” I really just can’t drive. You still want them to hang out. “Go to the town hall. For men? Sometimes people get uncomfortable. “That’s it. But the cat-people weddings are great. Maybe he’s trying to make up for all the men having all the rights for so long. I’M GONNA DIE ALONE (AND I FEEL FINE) Rooftop Comedy is proud to release the comedy album version (July 2016) of Jen Kirkman's "I Am Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine), which contains material from the special of the same name, streaming now on Netflix. I can just do whatever, whenever. Whose boobs are they?” He goes, “Boobs!” And he just… And I go, “What do you mean? Why wouldn’t they be for me if I love them? Oh. So I offer him some wine. Here’s the thing that’s a problem for me. This would be just… “Doves will fly. “I don’t want those plates anymore. Jen Kirkman's new Netflix special I'm Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine) is a feature-length brow-beating that is both quizzical in nature and mystified in practice. Then your love card comes in. They call for help. He had a button-down shirt tucked into his pants, with a belt. We have single people here, right? She’d go, “Do you want to go to Zumba class?” “No. I’ll come back then. What he is asking me is what vintage year is this wine. He just stands there, being a cat. Why did I care about wrinkles? So I was like, maybe he will like the same things as my nephew. Not in her bed. Shuts the door. And I saw his profile. I had to do some research. I think about my grandmother, died at 99. And an ex-boyfriend comes towards me, one I really loved. I’m not against… marriage. If you were going to have to keep giving him operations “just to keep him around, I get it.” She said, “Jen, I put him to bed.” I said, “You said put him down.” That’s what you do to a dog when he dies.” She goes, “Well, that’s what parents say.” That’s the language we use for putting a child to bed.” I go, “You don’t get to do that.” You don’t get to use words that mean something else just because you’re a parent. One prayer left that can get him to heaven. I made a decision.” Like, that didn’t happen. Thank you. But the next morning it got a little weird. Please cremate me so that you can’t drag my body to Zumba class. Keep ’em. And you feel like their weird 30- to 40-year-old kid that never left the house. It’s a lot cheaper. You’re nesting.” I go, “Oh, I thought I was eating a block of cheese with my bare hands” like a sandwich, in front of the TV.” “No, nesting.”. We just got married, too. It’s a totally different thing, this generation. He… That’s… I mean, I don’t want to say. 4 of 14 people found this review helpful. Stop trying to climb up on this. If I don’t get in a relationship again where I live with someone, I understand what can happen to me. ‘Cause you have your shit together. Let ’em find me!” Let ’em wonder. – Twenty years younger. Pluck, mow, whatever. Now she’s making no sense. It could mean maybe they smoked all through their teens. Meredith’s gonna go have some sex with someone she just met. Get a nice eight, nine hours’ sleep. Why don’t you enjoy yourself right now? Sometimes you’re just too old and fat to open it. Who knows? But you don’t say what it’s for, so I have more things to tell you. Yet somehow she is missing something. I never saw anything good down there.” “Merry Christmas, Nana. I get it. Now, the point is, I’m not great at it. Who cares? It’s not even that great. Labor Day weekend.” You’re like, “Oh, my God! I feel like except for two scientists that won’t tell me when I can start smoking and then us, everything else is an abomination. And, you know, he lets you up. But now I’m a hypocrite because I did go to bed with this kid. I’m such an old loser.” He doesn’t want to hang out.” I’ve never texted with a 20-year-old. I didn’t think you could get in. And she doesn’t give a fuck. But it seems to be the only thing that some people can talk about. – I have a hotel room. Oh, Jen, that’s actually not how we answer him. That sounds awful.” I don’t even want to come home to my mail. – Jen? I saw the soap dispenser wasn’t working in the Delta Airlines lounge.” “Ma’am, please, this number is for reporting terrorists only.” “I don’t know what a terrorist looks like!” So I wish, though, I could have those “see something, say something” signs in real life. I think about my mom who tried so hard. I’m gonna fuck him.” So I pull up. This is not rock and roll trivia, old lady edition. I might just bust down the door with some pamphlets and start telling the truth about some things, man. So are you seeing anyone? Be polite, ignore any cracks you might see. Just say you don’t. But when you’re four, it makes no sense. My body is like… I’m like, “Come on, body, we can make it one more night. Marry a table. View production, box office, & company info, Jen Kirkman: I'm Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine). OK, hon, it sounds like you are just really stressed out. 2015 Jen Kirkman: I'm Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine) (TV Special) (written by) Chelsea Lately (TV Series) (1 episode, 2014) (writer - 69 episodes, 2008 - 2009) - Live Finale (2014) - Episode dated 17 September 2009 (2009)... (writer) I was just trying to get up early and lose some weight. Let me explain. I’m talking about the kind where you can tell you’ve gained a lot. It’s like if you have to get in the house really fast and you have to pee and your body thinks you’re home, you’re like, “Don’t wet your pants, body!” You know, it’s that. I have a mother. What do you need? “That’s your body. No, no, no. But then I forgot along the way. Oh, my God. This FAQ is empty. But let’s review. She loves him and he loves her. I got up at 6 a.m. to go jogging. Who cares? – I don’t think my act would… – If you could talk to him directly. – A juice party! So, when her husband died at 60, she didn’t really care. I feel bad, making fun of marriage. No. Now, here’s the thing. I’ll put butter on my face. You look at a naked whatever in a magazine. People get mad at me ’cause I don’t like babies on planes either. So I get nervous. My mother is here. – All right, well… – OK. Don’t worry about me. It’s romantic. Did that house turn 40? “End my life here in the store, and tell everyone what a dumb question I had.” ‘Cause I… I don’t think she meant, like, how the molecular structure works. But gray is a mean color and when it finally all grows in… Gray is the color of barbed wire. Start now.” Now, she would say things to me… I never met my grandpa Freddie. The signs outside, that’s consent. Your friends are done for a little while. I don’t care. I cannot say about this, “Well, my vagina smoked in the ’80s, didn’t it?” Or, “I put that thing right out in the sun with tinfoil sometime.” Just burned it to a crisp. But I might be wrong. Big fluffy pillows, there’s room service. My body was like, “Yeah!” It was alive again. So… Speaks English. Jen Kirkman Im Gonna Die Alone And I Feel Fine Sitio ~ Jen Kirkman Im Gonna Die Alone And I Feel Fine 2015 16 1h 18 min Monólogos de humoristas Con su típico ingenio, Jen Kirkman se sincera sobre el divorcio, los hijos, el Thank you. She meant well. Once the wedding’s over, everyone’s sick of you. Everyone’s like, “No, my wedding was fun. – Well, he can’t ’cause… – Well, he’s too young. 18 Min. There’s a dick in the woods.’ There’s a penis in the woods. iPhone clipped on the belt. He did not… He just fell asleep. Check out her tour dates , follow her on Twitter , and listen to her podcast . I have a Sassy magazine. I’m like, “I didn’t bring the car seat.” I’m gonna get a ticket if a cop sees this. See ya! He doesn’t have 40 pounds of reserves stored in certain places. If I want to go to college someday, be a lawyer, have a family of my own, what am I doing here crying like a baby? That’s my business. Will you take our picture? So, what I do is, I go outside when responsible people are walking their dogs, and I take a bottle of water and I go… And I take my vitamins in front of them. Suddenly my pants didn’t fit here. I mean, that’s really all it is. You can’t just make up a dress.” And then I have to keep starting over until I just fall asleep. But I don’t want you to have fun here and then get there and think, like, “Did your mom just come in and tap you out?” I feel… It’s an upsetting thing because I feel like, um, I feel like this is a house. That’s why. It’s a good time. I don’t want a new one suddenly. Canadian comic Katherine Ryan's stand-up special packed with anecdotes, jokes, and a pertinent take on society. I gained 40 pounds in a year. But if they did and they saw his face, the face that I saw, they would run out of there and put their money under a mattress. OK. Oh, my God, everyone’s married!” You think the whole world is married. I can’t think about Johnny Depp.” I do think he’s cute, and I know that’s kind of sad. “We can’t get it. If he says something like, “I see cellulite,” I can be like, “You have hair in your ears. You’re like, “Come over. And I’m not stupid. You must be a registered user to use the IMDb rating plugin. And I know, I know, I know. Which is great. “Stop that.” Another guy friend of mine goes, “I just think about boobs.” I go, “Whose?” He goes, “I don’t know.” I go, “What do you mean? And that was a one-time thing. Now, she believed in heaven, hell and purgatory. Who the fuck gets up at 6 a.m.? It turns out his car didn’t really break down. I fight for your marriage equality rights. Your mom’s friends should not be your friend when you’re a toddler. You try to keep the party going that Christmas. OK, so I don’t ding-dong that often because… I can’t just look at a picture of a cute guy. You had to get in the door. No, no, you don’t, you don’t. It rings at 6 a.m. and you feel like a different person. “I love kids.” It sounds weird to not have kids and be yelling, “I love kids.” If I could just have dinner with a toddler… “Oh, where my kids at?” It’s dumb. I’m just saying he has full control of the language. She was… hanging out. I kind of have a thing for older women. Maybe they laid out in the sun and just burned their faces to a crisp. Um… ” When you’re a grown-up, you can just have wine waiting at the house. I really think, if you wake up and go, “I think I’m getting a cold,” you must know if you’re gonna die that day. And she said, “I’m gonna die in the house he built and I’m gonna win.” I don’t know what she’s gonna win, but that was what she wanted. So… Thank you. And he’s blown away when he sees my place. It does that after marriage.” “It adds a protective layer.” “Of what? You start picturing things. It’s a vicious cycle. We didn’t find you funny at all. He thinks it’s his litter box. – We weren’t laughing. Hey, turns out it is just a piece of paper. I respect myself for what I’ve been through. I’m just like her. I was on the road, I was at a bar, I was making some notes to myself and this guy walked in. The reason she lost her mind and had to go to rehab for being 50 was because when you’re dating a hot young guy, he’s hot and young and he doesn’t have to work at it. I got rid of them. Good night. I know. I take big vitamins, and I’m afraid of choking. They blame babies, too many people having babies, and they blame old people, old people living too long. I’m not bragging. I did not even think.”, Right, so I say to women, have a back-up plan, right? – I leave so early in the morning. I’m like, “What does that mean?” Because when I was his age, there was no Facebook. “Kids!” People go, “You’ll change your mind.” I go, “I didn’t ask your opinion about what I’ll do with my mind.” I’m not going to change my mind. I understand. And then they’re like, “Why is there cereal?” But I do not have any questions about how frozen yogurt works. Nothing. – I changed my mind, buy me a drink. Maybe they’ve had a hard life and they’re like, “See these lines in my face at this young age? It’s tough to be misunderstood. They would say things to me. I’ve seen some shit.” You know? Oh, a smattering. “Happy Xmas-Marriage-s.” You make up some word that has nothing to do with anything. Allistar, darling, the world is full of juice, and you can have as much juice as you want. “So every night, I just say, ‘Go to hell, Freddie! I see more people in a week than I bet you guys do. “If you see something, say something.” And I hate those signs. I would love to go to assisted living.” That sounds nice. I don’t have food in my house because I travel a lot. My life is changing rapidly.” And you think everybody cares. I had it different. Actually, I start thinking, “He also doesn’t know what a fucking lemon is either.” Because she questioned it, “Do you want a lemon or a lime?” If he knew what a lemon was, he would have been like, “I know I don’t want a lemon, so I must want a lime.” But he couldn’t even answer that. “Not like a perfume, like a pheromone.” “I know what a pheromone is.” “After an hour of my presence, he felt so empowered that he made the decision to go to sleep.” I’m like, “Oh, my God, none of that happened.” You understand, you psycho, that you went into a child’s room and stood in the corner, in the dark, like Dracula or something. But you get home, after the honeymoon. He ran out of water. So I have to call the cops and go, ‘I found a penis in the woods. Comments If you do something as big as having a kid, which is a big life commitment, it’s a big deal to raise a human, you’ve gotta have an urge to be good at it and an urge to do it. That’s fine. I know. Jen Kirkman's original comedy special delivers some sharp, hilarious truths about life at 40 as filmed at the North Door in Austin, Texas. There was a few. She’s going, “Grapes, some apples, kiwi, watermelon!” And he’s going, “The green one!” I’m like, “What’s happening to my country? No, it’s about me. Yeah, older women getting some… No. I didn’t chase him down the hall. And then I lost it. He loves her. Too old to party, too young to settle down, comedian Taylor Tomlinson takes aim at her life choices. Ugh! If it’s piled up, I’m like, “Stop looking at me! But it did work. When I go to parties, “Do you have kids?” “No.” Then they don’t drop it. Writer/actress/comedienne Chelsea Peretti presents a re-imagining of the hour-long special. It’s so judgmental.” Not true. And how to never have them have trauma or fear in their life. Because why can’t I alert someone about Dave? You’d be uncomfortable. Whoo! No offense to toddlers. 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